i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
