Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do herpes really smell.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
