Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
