I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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