did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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