You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
