I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
