Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
25 Worst Things to Say When Someone is Struggling Through Depression
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
25 People Confess The Sex Acts They Were Super Ashamed Of
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.