I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.