Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."