I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
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I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.