I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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