I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
