I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
please come you make the beer taste better
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
