You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
