are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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