I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
