I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
