you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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