Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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