dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
