i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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