you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
