the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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