Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
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Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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