The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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