So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
