you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
