The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
