So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
