my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
