why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
