Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please come you make the beer taste better
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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