she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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