Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
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