Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
50% drunk capacity currently
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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