my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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