If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
