I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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