I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
