I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
