You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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