So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize