Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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