i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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