she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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