I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
