How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
