thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I think I won the penis lottery.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
