garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
