Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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