Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
