How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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