I saw his package. It spoke to me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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