I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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