I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
