He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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