Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
