Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is wine microwaveable?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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